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01 July 2010 @ 04:27 pm
fic: maybe i just set aside the fact (k), finn/quinn  
title: maybe i just set aside the fact
author: maria/teashoppe
fandom: glee
rated: k
pairing: finn/quinn
summary:  An apology. Oneshot. Set sometime before Journey.
disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Glee.

maybe I just set aside the fact that you were broken hearted,
in my own special selfish way.
and if I hadn't set aside the fact that you were broken hearted,
hell knows where your heart would be today.
maybe with me.

Sorry About That - Alkaline Trio

“I need to apologize.”

Finn looks up from his place in the choir room, behind a drum set, on top of a stool. He pulls the hands that lightly play out a rhythm on the instrument away. The sound from the cymbals dies out slowly.

Then it’s silence.

He’s a little stunned to see his ex-girlfriend in front of him, a perfectly round baby bump now part of her appearance. Her hands are tucked behind her back, and it takes him for a loop. She looks vulnerable, shy… Quinn Fabray was never either of those things.

Her chin is still held high and confidently, and her back is straight, but the rest of her body deceives the look she wants to portray. Her green eyes are soft and kind of moist, he thinks, and her lips are just slightly pursed.

“Quinn… I – hi,” he replies.

She echoes. “I need to apologize to you, Finn.”

He feels like he should say something like, ‘why, what ever for?’ in an innocent, let’s-forget-that-what-happened-ever-happened kind of way, but he’s smart enough to know at least that Quinn wouldn’t let him get away with it.

She looks like she needs, as if her whole existence relies on it, to say what she’s about to say. (This isn’t the Quinn he once knew.)

As a means of telling her to continue, he sits back and stays silent, resting his slightly clammy palms on his dark jean clad thighs. He glances into her eyes, then looks away.

“I was horrible to you,” she begins. “Before the baby… during. You never deserved that, Finn.” The way she speaks is kind of clinical, matter-of-fact.

He still doesn’t look at her. Her hands come out from hiding behind her back and lock tightly in front of her belly.

“I feel like… like I’ve changed, maybe. I hope. I think she… that Quinn could still be in me, but I will do whatever it takes to get rid of her. I don’t want to be that person anymore. With Mercedes’ help… and I guess the baby’s, sort of, I’m, well, I’m trying to take steps to get there. I think this, here? I think this apology is the first one.

Honestly, Finn, you deserve… probably, like, a million apologies, and if I could give them to you, I would. I cheated on you. I lied to you. I was just… a horrible bitch. Why did anyone let me get away with that? God…” she trails off, blowing out a breath.

“Because you’re Quinn Fabray,” he whispers. He looks up to meet her eyes once more, but he regrets it. She looks as if the breath has been taken out of her, and all her forced confidence is gone.

“That’s no excuse…” she chokes off. She looks to her feet, takes a deep breath, and expels it slowly.

“I had to come here and apologize to you… I’m sorry, Finn. I am so sorry. You were the best boyfriend a girl could ask for-”

“I wasn’t,” he cuts her off, quietly. “I wasn’t.”

She looks intensely at him, and they finally lock eyes, and she stops breathing for a moment. Then she nods.

They’ve come to an understanding, he hopes.

“That – that doesn’t matter,” she says in a tone so low he’s not sure he’d hear it if he wasn’t straining his ears. “Not anymore.”

He nods, swallows.

“It doesn’t matter, because it doesn’t change what I did,” her hands now drop to her sides, hanging. “To be honest, I can’t even forgive myself for what I did some days… and so I don’t expect you to forgive me now, or ever. But I guess I needed you to know that I am sorry. I always will be.”

An odd silence follows, consisting somewhat of awkward feelings, understanding, and wistfulness – back to the days when these silences didn’t exist.

He clears his throat. “Thank you.”

Quinn never walks behind the drum set to touch him, but she taps a cymbal closest to her as she speaks with finality, “I also hope you know… you should know, that I always loved you, Finn. Through it all.” She coughs uncomfortably. “I know that you didn’t feel the same, I mean, I kind of trapped you. And Rachel...”

He shakes his head. “Is that what you think? Quinn, I loved you, too. That’s why it hurt so much. That’s why I missed you so much… after.”

He can feel Quinn’s burning gaze on him, but he doesn’t look at her. He can’t.

After a couple moments of him refusing to look her way, he hears her begin to pitter patter towards the door. He wiggles in his chair, and she turns around again. “I miss you too, Finn.”

He looks at her, and the pain is easily visible, but she looks sort of transparent, lighter. He feels the way she looks. “Maybe one day… we can be friends again.”

She can tell he’s trying to placate her, make her feel like there’s still something out of the wreckage to be salvaged. She just nods. “Maybe.”

She walks out of the room, shuffles, really, and he’s left alone again, just the boy and his drums. He doesn’t want to think about what just transpired, not just yet, so he plays out a beat.

(Quinn can hear it from down the hall.)